2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
