You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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