Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
