thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
There's even glitter on my cock...
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