Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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