She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
