I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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