Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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