mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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