I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Randomize
