I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
