i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
