she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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