dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
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