I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
