If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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