I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
