but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
