I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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