Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
