Welp...herpes.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
