ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
