Plan B is the new Plan A
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
