he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
