My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
