WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
please come you make the beer taste better
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
