I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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