Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
