my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
