I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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