I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
This toilet bowl is my home.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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