how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
