just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
