i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
