who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
