You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
