Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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