She said her name was "party"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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