He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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