2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
