honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
