So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
