We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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