Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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