The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
