I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
