no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
