So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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