I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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