I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
