32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
