I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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