i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
