It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
