I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
